Feel Read online

  “Fine, be that way, but it’s usually a good idea to make sure you rake all the leaves off your pants and the blanket before coming back if you didn’t want us to know what you’ve been doing,” Andy replies as laughter breaks through the room, and I bury my face into Jensen’s shirt, knowing that everyone else knows we just made love.

  All embarrassment ends when Jensen lays me down on the couch in our room as he starts to make the bed with fresh sheets and blankets from the closet. I take a corner of the sheet and help him fix the bed, biting back my smile of why the other sheets are dirty.

  “Something funny?”

  “Funny? No. Amazing? Absolutely,” I wink at him as he quickly flips the edge of the blanket, the rest of it going up in the air before landing across the mattress.

  “Amazing, huh?” Jensen quirks his lip and shrugs, “And, just think, I have no paranormal abilities in me. Just raw, natural talent, baby.”

  His green eyes dance mischievously and I burst into laughter, throwing a pillow at him. “Don’t make me take back what I said about your dick.”

  “It’s already out there, can’t take it back now,” he teases, grabbing me up in his arms again and tossing me on the bed. He kneels over me as his eyes turn serious, “You can’t take any of tonight back now.”

  “Would never happen,” I whisper.

  His fingers take my wrists, pinning them above my head as his lips lower to where they are so close to touching mine, I can feel their warmth, “Good. Because I’m already loving the idea of being able to introduce you as Mrs. Rider.”

  Not able to take it any longer, I lift my head, taking his lips with my mouth. We get tangled in each other’s arms as we spend the next half hour making out until I lay across Jensen, leaning over the edge of the bed.

  He pops me on my butt, laughing, “What are you doing?”

  I playfully smack his hand before pulling the violin on top of the bed. “Playing for you.”

  The corners of his lips curl and he slides into a sitting position against the headboard as I close my eyes, taking a deep breath. The anxiety ripping through me right now is baffling; I’ve played the violin for years. The reason I stopped playing no longer exists. Taking a few seconds to tighten the bow and tune the strings, I run my fingers against the smooth finish of the wood. Placing the violin against my collarbone, I smile at how naturally it still feels against my jaw, like it’s a part of me. My hand shakes a little before I relax it, placing the bow gently against the strings.

  Slowly lifting my eyes towards Jensen, I see him watching me with nothing but love and admiration, giving me strength. My hand begins to move, soft and tentatively at first, the sweet sounds igniting me and calming me at once. My body begins to sway as I play what I composed for Jensen, the melody delicate, then building higher. Passion for him, for what we are creating, spills through my soul, bleeding into the chords.

  Pushing to my knees, I’m kneeling on the bed as I move with the music, my fingers dancing on the strings, my hand rapidly sliding back and forth, and my elbow rising and falling. Everything feels right as Jensen leans towards me, pride and joy blazing bright green. He makes me feel everything good. He makes me feel life, sensing the rhythm of my blood flowing through my veins, pumping inside my heart. Losing myself in what he makes me feel, I give it back to him the only way I know how. With all of me.

  His smile, eyes, touch, and his scent consume me. Closing my eyes, I allow his feeling to wash over me as I continue to play, my body under the control of the music. Of him. Meshing with the strings, my fingers glide with the fast, elated harmony. With the beat he brings to life inside of me. My body rocks as the music fills the room, and I move where it takes me. Closer to him. Memories of his touch invade me, and I slow the tempo, feeling the smile spread across my lips at how what I composed years ago was for something I hadn’t even felt yet…for what I felt tonight. Our passion fuels my fingers, spewing into the music as my body thrusts with the blissful movements of my arm gliding across the strings, completing the final piece in a way I couldn’t before experiencing what we did tonight.

  My fingers pause. Breaths heave from my chest. My lashes flutter, opening my eyes to eight people staring back at me. But only one matters right now.

  Jensen’s eyes shine with what looks like unshed tears as he kneels in front of me. His strong, sure hands hold my face as he presses his forehead to mine. “Thank you,” he whispers, and I hear the raw quake in his voice. “Thank you for bringing my soul back to life.”

  I fall into his arms as I hear Andy let out a low whistle. “Holy shit, Saige,” he breathes.

  Darrin’s laughter booms through the room and everyone follows.

  Jensen claims my mouth passionately before pulling away due to the crowded room. “That’s my girl,” he declares proudly, and my cheeks flame.

  “Did you write that?” Josie asks, staring at me in awe, which makes me uncomfortable as hell.

  All I can do is nod.

  “What’s it called?” she presses further.

  Jensen’s hand cups my face and that familiar peaceful calm soothes me. My eyes never leave his as I answer her question. “‘Feel’. I named it ‘Feel’.”

  The grin on Jensen’s face gives me my reason for being here. For being me. I never felt that reason before him.

  Darrin holds his hand out, silently asking if he can hold my violin, and I place it in his hands as he gives me a wink. “I know what you believe about your abilities, but the gift you have inside that gave them to you, gave you this gift as well.” Darrin holds up the violin. “People who can do what you can do, what they can do,” he states, motioning his hand around the room, “most of them are also very talented with music.” His eyes darken, and I feel Jensen’s hand tighten around my waist when Darrin’s gaze passes from Jensen to me. “Your talent with music is exceptional, Saige. You’re more gifted than you think.”

  The calm I was relishing in disappears. To anyone else, his words would be a compliment, but we all know it means more than that. It means what I never wanted to hear.

  Hot, moist kisses pepper across my naked back, making my body stir, feeling everything Jensen did to it last night. The feeling is beyond exquisite.

  “Get in the shower, pretty girl. We have a long day ahead of us,” Jensen murmurs against my skin and I want to erase those words and just feel his lips. I’d be the happiest girl alive if all I heard today were the breathtaking sounds he made loving me last night.

  The spray of the water turning on in the bathroom ruins my fantasy of a day filled with nothing but mind blowing sex. “I’m coming,” I call to him, slipping out of the bed and making my way towards the bathroom, “but not anywhere close to the way I want to be right now.”

  “I heard that,” Jensen laughs, grabbing my waist and pulling my back against his chest. His hand slips between my legs, “Already wet for me again? Let me see what I can do about that, but it has to be quick.”

  The thump, thump, thump pulsing low in my belly begs to be tamed as Jensen pulls me into the shower with him. Warm water streams down our bodies as he gently pushes me against the shower wall. My palms press against the wet tile as Jensen traces his tongue down the back of my neck, licking the trails of water as he wastes no time taking me this way, his fingers rubbing against my heated pulse as he thrusts wildly inside me until my knees can no longer hold my weight. His pace intensifies, leaving me gasping for breath as he quickly sends me bursting into the most splendid explosion.

  His arm wraps around my waist, holding me up as my head falls back against his chest. I feel his pulsing throbs inside of me as his grip tightens, holding me possessively against him. His dominance is compassionate, gentle. He would never force me to do anything against my will, including staying with him. That alone makes me want to surrender everything to him. The beating of my heart pounds in my ears as he grazes his teeth across the line of my neck, “Is that the way you wanted to come?”

  He knows damn well that he gave m
e what I wanted, and then some. Too spent to speak, I nod my head, turning around so he can hold me in his arms. “I love you,” I rasp against his chest, slick and warm with the water trickling down the rippling muscles of his abs and waist to what I swear I’ll never have enough of.

  “I love you, too.” Jensen takes the shampoo, lathering into my hair. “I’m sorry I couldn’t take my time loving you.”

  “It was perfect. Just like last night.” I choke back my emotions, “Asking me to always be yours then making love to me for the first time in our field couldn’t have been any more perfect than you made it. Thank you.”

  “You kinda had a part in making it that way,” he teases. “A big part actually, if I’m remembering it correctly.”

  Grabbing the soap, I just smile in response, unable to trust my voice at the moment. Not wanting to, we rush through the shower and get dressed. I hastily throw the rest of my clean clothes into my bag embroidered with the alma mater and I try not to think about college, about Wes, Jake, and Riah. We’re no closer to finding Griffin than we were when we got here five days ago.

  Jensen is packing the rest of his clothes when I do a sweep of the room, my eyes stopping on the case to my violin. Before what Darrin said last night, I never associated the abilities, or talents, whatever in the hell you want to call them. One destroys me, the other makes me feel free. How is it possible that they can come from the same place? Absently, my lip slips between my teeth as I grab the case and wait by the door. Jensen takes my duffle bag but leaves the case in my hand. I’m perfectly capable of carrying both but I get the point he’s trying to make. I’m just not sure I believe it.

  The drive to Hampton, TN passes quicker than I would like. When we pull into the driveway of the house Griffin calls home, I’m surprised with how well preserved it is. With the dark, ugly feelings I felt from him, I pictured something that looked more like the Bates motel.

  Stephen nods his okay as Jensen lifts the police tape and we all make our way up the steps of the wrap around front porch. The house may be immaculately cared for, but the only bright colors are from the vibrant crisp leaves that have fallen from the maple trees. The light gray of the porch is clean but unremarkable, just like the plain wooden front door.

  Jensen turns the knob, but it’s locked. He nods his chin at James who steps on the plain black welcome mat, placing his hand on the knob. My jaw nearly comes unhinged when I hear a soft click and Jensen turns the knob again, opening the door. He looks over his shoulder at me, presumably to make sure I’m still standing, and I give him a slight shrug, like what James just did didn’t scare the shit out of me. Ignoring Jensen’s smartass raised brow, I follow everyone inside.

  Crinkling my nose, I look around. Even the interior is dull, decorated in shades of cream and light brown. Despite the lack of a color palette, I get a shot of freedom. Glancing around the room, I know that feeling didn’t come from anyone here. Sawdust seems to fill my throat as I find it hard to swallow. Spurts of carefree comfort and security sends its warmth tricking through my veins. This cannot be happening. How am I feeling something from someone who’s not here?

  Sunshine spills through the slits of the curtains, splashing across the polished hardwood floors. The further I walk into the living room, the more foreign feelings invade me, but there’s something familiar about the sensation, something that is tripping me out even worse than what James just did. I’m feeling Griffin. Well, I’m feeling Griffin’s childhood feelings. I think. The more I feel, the more I’m sure that there’s no denying the thread tying the carefree sensations to the sinister dark emotions.

  My fingers begin to shake, and I shove them inside my jeans pockets as I walk through the house, feeling pulled towards the back. Sweat breaks out at the nape of my neck when I step in front of the door I knew was there. I don’t even know how I know that I knew this.

  A warm tingle was emitting from the ambiance in the living room and hall, getting colder, more deviant, the closer I got to this door. A thousand cold pricks stab my skin. I don’t feel pain. I feel loss, suffering, and so much anger. Taking a few steps back, the sensation weakens and the more benevolent mood gains strength. I’ve never been high, but if it feels anything like this, I want no freaking part of it.

  This is the only door I’ve seen with scuffs. It looks like it hasn’t been kept up like everything else, except the door knob. It appears new. I start to open the door, but a splinter in the frame stops me. The urge to enter that room is overwhelming. I know I need to go in there. Overruling my good sense, I brush my fingertips against the old wood and I know this room is the reason Griffin felt Jensen’s family had to die. I just don’t know why. “Over here,” I call loudly, never taking my eyes away from the closed door.

  “What is it?” Jensen asks, immediately placing his hand on my arm when he sees how rigid I am.

  “There was something in there.”

  Jensen’s hand pulls me behind him before he tries the locked knob. James tries to do his thing, but nothing happens, which seems to really piss him off while it amuses Andy to no end. Jensen and Darrin exchange one of those looks before Jensen pushes me further behind him, then kicks in the door.

  The spinning in my head is maddening when the door bursts open, and I have to brace my hand against the wall to not fall flat on my face. No one else seems to be affected as they walk straight into the room that seems hell-bent on making me sick. I know I have to go in there, but I just don’t want to. Clutching the wall, I inch along the side, watching as they pilfer through dusty drawers and cabinets. Spasms of helplessness make me want to do anything to make it go away before the sensations spiral dangerously into my gut, knocking the air out of me as I hit the floor.

  “Saige!” Jensen calls, but I hold up my hand, rocking back and forth on my knees on the cold floor.

  Murderous hatred hemorrhages inside from the depravity of all the sick emotions rampaging within my soul. A guttural cry screeches from deep inside me, and Jensen grabs my arms, ready to carry me out of here, but I lash out at him, trying to keep him away from the fury ripping savagely through every part of me. Losing all control of who I am, I collapse onto the floor, becoming what he felt, what she felt, as putrid images erupt from everywhere. Flashes of the window that’s now covered in tape is clear, with bright sunlight pouring inside, when it shatters, exploding shards into the air.

  My body convulses, my back arching violently, as I scream. Raw pain tears my esophagus but I keep screaming hysterically until there’s no air to pull into my lungs. Scratching and clawing at my neck, I try to pry free from a crushing hold.

  Restraining my wrists, Jensen jerks me from the floor and into his arms as he runs through the house, busting through the front door to the lawn outside. “Breathe, Saige…breathe, baby!” he coaxes, smoothing my hair out of my face.

  My head, eyes, every damn thing inside, feels like it’s seeping Griffin’s contagion as I shudder uncontrollably from the horror his sister suffered. “He killed her,” I gasp, my voice shaking as much as my body. “He killed his sister!”

  “Sshh, it’s okay. It’s okay.” Jensen holds me, rocking me tightly in his arms as he tries to console me, but, screw that, I don’t want to be consoled. I want to bleed the life out of Griffin like he did his little sister.

  Darrin kneels on the grass beside me. His large hand takes mine as he checks my pulse before gently lifting my chin so he can inspect my neck. “We need to get something to put on those,” he tells Josie.

  I look down at my fingers, seeing the blood on my nails, and I go to grab my neck, but Darrin grabs my hand again, gently shaking his head.

  “You’re going to be alright. You just scratched yourself a little.” His gaze shifts to Jensen, and I feel his uneasiness rising although you would never be able to tell with his outward appearance. I guess the military taught him that. Too bad they couldn’t prepare him for shit like this. His smile looks so natural, I’d give the man a Grammy. “What did you see, honey?”
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  “Honey?” I try to joke, desperate to separate myself from what just happened, but it comes out more like a whimper.

  “I’ve got you, Saige,” Jensen breathes against my cheek and I inhale his strength, leaning into his protective comfort as I force myself not to break down.

  “His sister,” I begin, shaking my head to clear the image of her beautiful brown eyes dimming as he beat her, then held her down as his hands crushed her throat, strangling the life out of her. “He hurt her so badly. He kept hitting her. She kept screaming and trying to get away. I felt her screams. I couldn’t stop them. She grabbed for whatever she could find to try to stop him, kicking and thrashing so hard her shoe flew through the window. Then he pressed his hands against her throat, crushing it until she died.”

  Jensen’s protective grasp tightens around me as I go limp against his chest.

  “How? How in the hell did I feel that? How in the hell did I see that?” I nearly wail. “It was in the past. I can’t see the fucking past!”

  Jensen and Darrin turn towards Josie and Stephen but they shake their heads.

  “You didn’t sense anything?” I ask, bewildered with why I sensed this. Seeing the past is what Amira does, not what I do.

  Jensen runs his hand down my arms, brushing a kiss against my temple. His concern makes his eyes even a darker green as he inspects me. “You couldn’t breathe again, Saige. There has to be a connection with that.”

  How he cares for me, protects me, has always healed my heart in a way that saved me. People can live through the worst of humanity but, surviving, coming out with your soul still breathing – that’s the part that’s damn near impossible to do sometimes. Jensen is my humanity. He’s the reason my soul never died. He still is. I will do whatever it takes to be strong for him because of that. “I’m fine now.”

  Jensen studies me for a few seconds longer, making sure I really am fine before turning towards Darrin as he looks at the house, “Did you see the doorknob? It was new, and the frame was splintered like it had already been kicked in recently.”