Feel Page 16

  Nodding quickly, she starts to reach for me but stops.

  I know what she’s thinking, and she couldn’t be more wrong. I pull her into my arms, holding onto her like she’s my last thread of life. She is. Saige is the meaning behind every beat that pumps inside my chest. My body would survive without her but my heart never would. I wouldn’t want it to. “I didn’t pull away from you because I wanted to. I pulled away because I couldn’t control my emotions, and I was afraid my hold would be too rough and I would hurt you.”

  When I sent Saige away four years ago, I was self-destructive. There was no need for me to see a reason to beat the hell out of someone if they wanted to fight, or for the need to take care of myself. I didn’t like who I was back then, not being able to control all the shit raging inside of me. After I got myself back together, I swore she would never see me that way if I was ever lucky enough to have her back in my life.

  My fingers tangle in her hair as I breathe her mandarin lilac scent in deeply. “I need you in my arms more now than I ever have, so don’t you dare think I don’t want you anymore,” I whisper truthfully. “I want you as much as I need you.”

  Saige throws her arms around me, hanging on just as tightly as I am. “Jackson knew I was there somehow.” Her voice is so small I almost think I misheard her.

  “Jackson connected with you?”

  A tiny nod is her response.

  “How?” I ask, trying to wrap my head around what Saige is telling me.

  “He spoke to me.” She pauses, biting her lip and shaking her head, “That’s not exactly right. He didn’t actually talk, but he told me things. He put his thoughts inside my head.”

  I knew Jackson had abilities to see shapes and words while in another room, even pick up on thoughts when someone sat near him repeating a certain phrase silently, but I didn’t know he had advanced this far, especially sensing her from a premonition of their death before it even occurred. The pounding in my head turns into a sledgehammer beating against my temples. Running my fingers across my brow, I let out a long breath, not able to begin to comprehend the seemingly impossibilities yet, especially dealing with the fresh pain of losing them. “What did he tell you?”

  Saige’s eyes lock onto mine, “First, you really need to know Jackson stopped their pain. He – he projected their mind and feelings to a safe place somehow. They never felt the final pain of their deaths.” She swallows hard, trying to control her tears and be strong for me.

  Strength seems to be eluding me right now as my throat burns, raw from holding back my own tears. I can only nod my gratitude of her making sure I know they didn’t suffer. Saige gives me a minute to pull myself together, and I’m grateful for that, too.

  “They loved you, Jensen,” she chokes, a few tears escaping, “much more than you thought they did. They just didn’t know how to show it.”

  “Jackson told you that?”

  Another soft nod.

  “What else did he say?”

  “He asked me to love you more than they could.” Saige places her hand against my cheek, her touch healing some of the pain, “He also let me know where the key to a lockbox is.”

  “A lockbox?” Shaking my head, my brow furrows, “What lockbox? What’s in it?”

  “I don’t know. Jackson didn’t give me that information, only where the key and the bank where the lockbox is.” Saige closes her eyes. Her hand mindlessly clutches her neck as she takes in a deep breath, “There’s one more thing. The bomber’s real name is Kyle Griffin. He’s twenty-six and has abilities stronger than Jackson or your father have ever encountered. They were able to go to his home and find out that he’s planning a bombing at least three times the size of the bomb at the college.”

  “When?” I demand. Taking her hand, I ease my tone when her gaze falls, “Did he say when?”

  “No, they were working on finding out more when -” Saige stops, not repeating what happened next.

  The brokenness in her eyes is excruciating. Her face is cold as I hold it in my hands, “I’m sorry you went through their suffering, Saige.”

  Guilt darkens her face, affecting her entire body as she nearly curls inside herself. The realization of her blaming herself for my family’s deaths impales me. “No, Saige! There’s nothing you could have done to have stopped this.”

  She says nothing, just looks down, unable to meet my gaze. “I would do anything to save them. I’m so sorry.”

  “I know,” I rush, “so would I, but this isn’t your fault.” Just the knowledge of how Saige sensed anything about them when they are still hours away proves how connected she is to me. My not being close to them for so long is even more astounding with how she felt anything at all. She’s never sensed a death of someone further away than a couple of towns. The people she warned about a loved one dying was always very close to that person, both physically and emotionally. The only reason she could sense her grandfather’s death was because he died while visiting her instead of at his home three hours away. Even with the ache of the loss of my family, realizing the depth of Saige’s love and connection to me is as comforting as it is sanctifying, giving me strength.

  Saige forces a smile, trying to hide her guilt and focus on me, and I love the hell out of her for wanting to protect me as much as I want to protect her.

  “You were dying, Saige,” I mumble, a stab of rage and terror scarring me from that fact.

  The way her eyes shift away doesn’t go unnoticed by me or by Andy.

  He kneels beside her, placing his hand on my shoulder while taking her hand with his free one, giving a small smile, “To be so full of hot air, you sure weren’t using any of it earlier.”

  I manage a laugh, knowing this is Andy’s way of easing the tension and trying to be there for both of us.

  Saige’s eyes soften and her lips curve slightly, “I hope you didn’t breathe any of your bullshit into me.”

  “What are you not telling us, Saige?” I ask, carefully watching her.

  Her lips press tightly together as I see her struggling to think of a way to avoid my question. She loses the battle. “He was there.”

  “Griffin was with my family?” My jaw tightens so damn hard it feels like it’s locked. “He was with them when they died?”

  “Not physically. He was behind the bomb, but he wasn’t there.” Confusion crinkles the lines beside her eyes. “I don’t know how I felt him. It was like he was linked to Jackson somehow and Jackson was too weakened to shake him. When Jackson connected to me, I felt Griffin. He felt me, too.” Saige’s fingers brush nervously against her forehead, “He was holding me there.”

  Griffin was trying to kill Saige along with my family. Rocking back on my heels, I grapple with what Saige is telling me. It’s nearly impossible to wrap around my brain with not understanding how in the hell Jackson or Griffin did any of what Saige saw them do. If I didn’t want to kill this bastard before, I want to rip him into pieces before ending this fucking psychopath after what he’s done now. Hearing he knows about Saige terrifies the hell out of me.

  “He knows about you.” Andy repeats my fear. The look he gives me is clear; we have to stop this bastard. Now.

  “I’m calling Darrin,” I tell Andy, nodding my head at Saige, but he’s already wrapping his arm around her, pulling her from the wet ground. He’ll take care of her while I make the call. The Ghost Rider ringtone blasts my ear and any other time I would laugh at his twisted sense of humor.

  “Hey, Rider, I was wondering when your sorry ass was going to call and check on your shop,” Darrin jokes.

  “I left it in good hands,” I tell him truthfully. I have no worries about Reckless on Rails with Darrin in charge. I tighten my grip on my phone, shoving my free hand into my pocket, staring up at the gray sky. Drizzle moistens my face until the rain drips off my chin as I tell Darrin what happened. Saying it out loud makes it all seem so much more real and I lean against the brick wall next to me, trying to not lose my shit here.

  “Dam
n, Jensen. I’m sorry, man.” I hear the sorrow in Darrin’s voice. He knows I’m not close to my family - wasn’t close to my family – but if anyone can understand what I’m going through, it’s him. Darrin’s a few years older than me and moved out at seventeen as well and never looked back, but I can hear his pain when he mentions his family; he still loves them.

  “What do you need me to do?” he asks.

  “I underestimated Griffin. I can’t afford to do that again,” I admit. “Shut the shop down. I need everyone in Boone. We’re still nineteen hours away. Dad found out Griffin’s planning something big and we need to find out where and stop him. He also knows about us so I need the abilities of everyone to do this.” There’s no way I’m leaving anything up to chance with him knowing about Saige.

  “We’ll be there.”

  “Thanks, man.” Squeezing the phone, I ask him to bring the money in the safe. It’s the last I have left. If we don’t find Griffin soon, I’m going to lose the shop.

  “I was saving this to tell you when you got back but it sounds like you could use a little good news. The deal you were working on before you left came through. You got the contract from Skeller, along with a nice advance.”

  “How? I had to leave in middle of finishing the deal with Skeller’s new line of bike sales stores.”

  “Hey, I’m a quicker learner,” Darrin laughs, “and, I learned from the best.”

  “You met with Skeller in my place. Thanks, Darrin. I mean it, man.”

  “It’s the least I can do for you saving my ass and giving me a job here, and I don’t want to hear that bullshit Andy gives about paying it forward. It’s just what family does. That’s all, nothing more.”

  The damn tears are relentless, but I force them back. My family is gone. One family. Thank God I have the other one. I don’t know what I’d do without Saige and the crew.

  Darrin ends the call, not making me have to respond, which is good because I don’t think I could have without losing my shit that I’m barely hanging onto at the moment.

  The wall is hard, wet, and cold, but I don’t care about any of that as I lean my full weight against it, trying to pull myself together. Saige needs me, even though she would never admit that right now. Memories of my family run through my mind. It hurts much more with how most of them aren’t happy ones. Those, I can count with one hand. The earliest part of my childhood was spent with me trying to do anything to get Dad to be proud of me. Then, I spent the rest of my years at home trying to prevent damage to Jackson from all the intense pressure my father put on him. There are no memories of laughter at the dining room table, family vacations, or decorating the Christmas tree, just lots of yelling and failures. I wish I had warm, comforting memories of my family. I don’t, but I have thousands with Saige. Those will get me through.

  Saige is still wrapped under Andy’s arm when I return. She isn’t crying anymore but she looks as devastated as I feel. I can’t let her blame herself for this. I made the choice to get my father involved, but I know who’s to blame. Griffin did this. “We have to go.”

  Andy nods, not saying anything as Saige slips her hands around my fingers and her head on my shoulder, resting it between my chin and hollow of my neck. Her words are so low, I barely hear them when she whispers, “You’re not alone in this. I’m here for whatever you need.”

  I place my free arm around the small of her back and pull her as close to me as possible, memorizing the feel of her body meshing with mine, the sweet, tangy scent of her skin, and the soft gentleness of her lips brushing against my neck. This is another memory I’ll hold on to.

  “I’ll drive. You two take it easy in the back,” Andy offers, opening the side door of the van.

  Saige’s hand never lets go of mine as we climb inside. I watch how she glances nervously at the mat she was sleeping on earlier, and I grab another blanket, positioning it on the other side before pulling her down next to me. We don’t say anything. We just lie here, looking at each other, holding each other. Saige’s fingers trace the outline of my face, down the sides to my jaw, stopping at the center of my chin. Those caramel eyes stay locked on mine like she’s trying to see into my soul, or maybe give me some of hers. Whatever it is she’s doing, it’s giving me peace in all the shit and chaos rummaging through my head right now as we get closer to where we were raised. The tip of her finger stays on my chin, slowly caressing the edge until I pull her closer, burying my face in the hair falling across her neck. I fall into her, laying my head against her soft skin and allow her innocence and love to invade me until I drift to sleep next to the only home I’ve ever known or needed.

  Nothing is left. The house I grew up in is only broken bricks and pieces of debris. The sun is shining through the limbs of the trees in the yard and I absently watch how its rays stream across where my room used to be. It’s so fucking surreal and I have no idea how I’m supposed to react, what in the hell I’m supposed to be feeling. Part of me wants to grieve and the other part wants to take a handful of the broken pieces and throw them at my father’s work shop thirty feet away, busting every window that isn’t already shattered. The ambivalence is maddening. The only thing I’m sure of is how I wish I had more time with them. Time that wasn’t full of anger so they knew I loved them despite all the bullshit that happened.

  Closing my eyes, I try to burn this image in my mind until I can find Griffin and kill the bastard. Turning around, I refuse to look back as I make my way towards Saige and Andy. “I have to go to Griffin’s home. Take Saige to a hotel. I’ll meet up with you later.”

  “You’re not going there without me,” Saige demands.

  “Griffin knew your father and Jackson went there and he made it pretty damn clear he didn’t like it. I’m not letting you go anywhere without me,” Andy joins her ranks.

  “I appreciate your concern.” I do. But their concern isn’t what I need at the moment. I need Saige safe and this bastard dead. “I won’t allow Saige anywhere near him. Take her to a hotel.”

  Saige grabs my arm, “I’m standing right here, and there’s no way I’m going to a hotel while you’re on your own.”

  I didn’t expect her to cooperate but I was hoping like hell she would. “I won’t be alone for long. Darrin and the rest of the crew will be here soon.”

  “Then you can wait until they’re here,” she insists.

  The determined gaze staring back at me is so familiar and I let out a deep breath. “Saige. I can’t lose you. Please – just go with Andy.”

  Her hands touch my temples, sliding down until she’s holding my face. She steps closer, shaking her head, “I don’t know what you’re going through right now, but I know I’m not letting you go through it alone. So, unless you plan on having Andy duct tape me to a chair again, I’m not going anywhere with him without you.”

  Andy tries to hide his smile but fails miserably.

  A loud groan rumbles up my throat. “Fine. I’ll wait until they arrive.”

  The relief that flashes in Saige’s eyes is humbling. She’s worried about what might happen to me as much as I am about her. Her relief morphs into hesitance, “Are you going to find out what’s in the lockbox?”

  “Tonight,” I answer, taking the keys from Andy. “We’ll check into a hotel and grab something to eat. Darrin should be here by then.” I make sure to go the opposite way from Saige’s house. She’s doing a damn good job at hiding it, but I saw the difference in her when we arrived. Her existence here was hell. If I knew Griffin couldn’t find her, I would have left her in one of the towns we passed until we find him, but I can’t take the risk of her being alone with him knowing about her.

  It doesn’t take long to check into the hotel and Saige and I walk across the street to the plaza to buy some warmer clothing. The days are almost perfect weather in October here, but the nights get really cool. A smile tugs at my lips when we head to the dressing rooms.

  Saige stops. Her eyes are hooded when she turns around, glancing at me under those lon
g lashes. Her fingers play with the tags on the clothes she’s holding in her hands, and I laugh.

  “I remember. I meant every word, and I’ll fulfill that promise a helluva lot better this time.”

  “I know you will,” she smiles. I see the truth in her eyes. She turns to step inside the room where we made one of my best memories, the room where she said the best thing I could ever hear, then turns back around, “It will be even better than it could have before.”

  Damn, the woman knows how to bring me to my knees. Her trust gives me the strength to take on the whole fuckin’ world. She always did know what to say. The click of the lock turns when she closes the door and my mind flashes back to that afternoon.

  “What are you doing?” Saige whispers, giggling. “You can’t be in here.”

  “I couldn’t wait to see you in that dress, pretty girl.”

  “It doesn’t take that long to put on,” she smirks, cocking her brow.

  “Long enough,” I reply, taking the dress from her hands and hanging it back on the wall. The top button of her shorts are already undone and her short sleeve shirt lays crumpled at her feet, leaving only her short, tight tank top and light blue lacy bra peeking over the top, making my dick pulse and throb, begging to be relieved.

  Her eyes fall to the bulge in my jeans as I adjust myself. Pink spreads across her cheeks as she blushes innocently and I decide I fuckin’ love that color on her. Her fingers fidget with the tag on the dress and her lips part slightly. I can see the soft pink of the tip of her tongue wet the top of her bottom lip, reaffirming my love of that shade. Those beautiful eyes blink slowly before locking on mine. I can still see the residual red puffiness around her eyes that she didn’t want me to see from where she had fought with her father earlier. I also see her brewing desire while mine for her bursts in every part of me until I can taste it on my tongue. When her fingers skim the waist of my jeans, I hold my breath. She slowly slips her fingertips inside the edge of the denim, her skin sliding against my flesh until she reaches the cotton rim of my boxers.